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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 19, 2009 1:13:34 GMT -5
I watched him sit down next to me. It felt like I was in a daytime high school drama series or something. Shannon seemed to know what to say and when to say it but I was thoughtless on the matter. I felt the silence of the room creeping all around. So having nothing to say I simply laid my head on his shoulder and exhaled a small breath that was bound to come out anyway.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 19, 2009 1:17:45 GMT -5
I stretched out my hand, looking at my hands which were delicate for a guy's hands. Jase had reminded me of that fact many times. "This school is so clean and structured. I hope they don't plan to mold us into the perfect children that all parents want to have. If they do, they're in for a surprise because there are a couple things missing that would prevent me from being the picture perfect Shannon that my parents wanted."
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 19, 2009 2:03:22 GMT -5
I turned my head just a little so that my eyes could shift over enough to see his face. “What do you mean Shannon?” This was one of those moments where I knew deep down that I shouldn’t pry, but my best friend instinct kicked in first.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 19, 2009 2:09:37 GMT -5
I didn't mind talking about it with her. If it was anybody else that had asked I would have just walked away. "Well, my parents tried to make Jase and me be the perfect children. As a result, we pulled even farther away, becoming exactly what they didn't want us to be. It made situations between us difficult."
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 19, 2009 19:38:37 GMT -5
I lifted my head off of his shoulder so that I could turn my full gaze in his direction. “So that’s why you left home with your brother.” I nodded slightly more to myself then anything else. It had all started to make sense; finally I was on a mental path that was getting me more answers then general confusion.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 19, 2009 22:44:34 GMT -5
"It was like being a puppet on a string. Controlled by invisible hands." I walked my hand on the table edge, mimicking a marionette. "Then the arguments started. Not only with my parents but with myself." I remembered the twisted repeating carousel arguments that occurred in my brain. he said you're a disappointment.
he called you 8 times...
you didn't answer
you should have done somethinganything The echoing whispers returned to my brain... dazing me with the memories. ::stupid/useless/stupid/disappointing/stupid/failure/stupid/lost:: it'snotmyfaultit'snotmyfaultit'snotmyfault The ghosts of my past seemed to wrap around me, suffocating me, making my breath hitch. Arguements again... youhavetotryharder/Idon'twantto/whynot/stopforcing/listentome/leavemealone It's over. You left. Everything is fine. In my mind, I could see the knife sitting on the counter back at home. My traitor fingers want to reach for it. No they don't. They want to use the knife to end the misery and pain No, they do not. They want to find every quivering vein and split it. They will not. ::stupid/useless/stupid/disappointing/stupid/failure/stupid/lost:: My hand gripped the tables edge, leaving indents in my fingers. It was like standing on the edge of a very tall cliff, the waves pounding the rocks below. It was a powerful thing, balancing on the edge of the end and the future. I tried to pull my subconscious back into reality. It was difficult. I was stuck in the broken record of my memories. |
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 20, 2009 1:39:52 GMT -5
I watched only for a moment before I jumped off the table and walked to the front of Shannon. I took his face in my hands. It was more pale then usual. “Shannon? Hey Shannon, are you okay?” I shook his head gently while trying to get some sort of response out of him. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if he didn’t come around soon.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 20, 2009 1:53:23 GMT -5
My muscles locked in a manner similar to a full body twitch. I blinked rapidly, the fog of the bad memories dissipating slowly. My vision had blacked around the edges, probably because I had been holding my breath. I let it out with a strangled sound, trying to relax the tension away. My fingers were trembling against the edge of the table. I finally realized what had happened. "I did it again, didn't I?" I didn't get lost in the nightmares often, but when I did, it was devastating.
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 20, 2009 23:42:52 GMT -5
"Again?" I dropped my hands to my sides as I pondered what he meant by again. "Shannon does this happen often?" I probably sounded more like a psychiatric doctor then I did a best friend at the moment, but I needed to know what was going on. It would be to surprising to find out that he should be taking something and he just decided not to.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 20, 2009 23:49:53 GMT -5
I sighed and relinquished my grip on the table. "It happens when I get scared. When I think too much. When I try to remember. It's like being in a nightmare and not being able to wake yourself up." Nobody other than Jase had ever noticed or tried to do anything about these episodes. It made me realize who really cared and who didn't. These moments when I lost touch with reality used to be frequent when we had first moved. It had been a few years now and it still happened occasionally, though not as often as before.
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 24, 2009 6:55:14 GMT -5
Instead of jumping on him for more details I dropped it and just decided to do the only thing I could do when things got like this and that was hold him. “Hey, you know what we should do something fun today after we get out of here.” I adjusted my head a little and then continued. “Perhaps we could go spelunking along the beach.” I pulled back but left my hands linked together behind his neck. “What says you?”
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Post by Shannon on Aug 24, 2009 18:00:20 GMT -5
I relaxed into her touch, closing my eyes against the seemingly glaring sunlight coming through the window. "Sounds like a good idea to me." I wound my finger in the hem of her shirt at her side. It was a strange comfort thing I did and I hoped she wouldn't freak on me for it. My eyes were still closed the next time I spoke. "You do know spelunking has to do with caves though, right?" I grinned good naturedly so she would know I was only teasing.
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 24, 2009 20:00:08 GMT -5
I couldn’t help but smile with more happiness then anything else when he not only agreed that it was a good idea but also when he wound his fingers in the hem of my shirt. It was a nice thought that he wasn’t afraid to show how he felt at the moment in those little ways.
Needless to say my smile faded for a moment when he brought up my improper use of the word spelunking. But instead of getting mad I simply got even. “Hey Shannon did you know that really smart guys often stand less of a chance of getting laid?” My smile turned into and almost wicked grin, with a hint of playfulness.
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Post by Shannon on Aug 24, 2009 20:14:55 GMT -5
I leaned forward, resting my elbow against my knee and leaning against my fist. Two could play at that game. "And you would know how?" I leaned back against my hands, bracing my elbows. "Besides, are you worried about it?" The question would be almost impossible to answer. If she said yes it would mean that she cared for me as more than a friend. If she said no, well, then that would be just sad.
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Post by Izzy Morris on Aug 24, 2009 22:26:55 GMT -5
I was so ready to answer the first question with a smart-ass comment of my own. I was sure it was obvious too. But when the second question came around it was like someone had taken a sharp object to a balloon. All the drive that I had going was gone. My mouth opened and closed several times but my brain wouldn’t push out words. I finally got some composer back and ceased to look like a fish out of water looking for air. My face shot pink and I sat there not sure what to say. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t worry about it. On the other hand I wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear that I did care. “Ya know Shannon lets get going.” Although I said we should go I made no movement to do as such.
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